THREE LETTERS FROM TEDDY

The following is the most requested, and probably the most moving piece I’ve run in the 10+ years of Teachers Helping Teachers. It is one of the most powerful pieces that I’ve ever read. It reminds all of us of our power as teachers. I’ve often maintained, that the most important thing that elementary, and to a point, middle school teachers teach is self-esteem and self-concept. This submission only strengthens that conviction. With the year almost over, and all of us counting the days until vacation, it’s good for all of us to read again, and to pass on to our teaching staffs. Dr. S. Mandel

Teddy’s letter came today, and now that I’ve read it, I will place it in my cedar chest with the other things that are important in my life.

“I wanted you to be the first to know.”

I smiled as I read the words he had written and my heart swelled with a pride that I had no right to feel.

I have not seen Teddy Stallard since he was a student in my 5th grade class, 15 years ago. It was early in my career, and I had only been teaching two years.

From the first day he stepped into my classroom, I disliked Teddy. Teachers (although everyone knows differently) are not supposed to have favorites in a class, but most especially are not supposed to show dislike for a child, any child.

Nevertheless, every year there are one or two children that one cannot help but be attached to, for teachers are human, and it is human nature to like bright, pretty, intelligent people, whether they are 10 years old or 25. And sometimes, not too often, fortunately, there will be one or two students to whom the teacher just can’t seem to relate.

I had thought myself quite capable of handling my personal feelings along that line until Teddy walked into my life. There wasn’t a child I particularly liked that year, but Teddy was most assuredly one I disliked.

He was dirty. Not just occasionally, but all the time. His hair hung low over his ears, and he actually had to hold it out of his eyes as he wrote his papers in class. (And this was before it was fashionable to do so!) Too, he had a peculiar odor about him which I could never identify.

His physical faults were many, and his intellect left a lot to be desired, also. By the end of the first week I knew he was hopelessly behind the others. Not only was he behind; he was just plain slow! I began to withdraw from him immediately.

Any teacher will tell you that it’s more of a pleasure to teach a bright child. It is definitely more rewarding for one’s ego. But any teacher worth her credentials can channel work to the bright child, keeping him challenged and learning, while she puts her major effort on the slower ones. Any teacher can do this. Most teachers do it, but I didn’t, not that year.

In fact, I concentrated on my best students and let the others follow along as best they could. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I took perverse pleasure in using my red pen; and each time I came to Teddy’s papers, the cross marks (and they were many) were always a little larger and a little redder than necessary.

“Poor work!” I would write with a flourish.

While I did not actually ridicule the boy, my attitude was obviously quite apparent to the class, for he quickly became the class “goat”, the outcast — the unlovable and the unloved.

He knew I didn’t like him, but he didn’t know why. Nor did I know — then or now — why I felt such an intense dislike for him. All I know is that he was a little boy no one cared about, and I made no effort in his behalf.

The days rolled by. We made it through the Fall Festival and the Thanksgiving holidays, and I continued marking happily with my red pen.

As the Christmas holidays approached, I knew that Teddy would never catch up in time to be promoted to the sixth grade level. He would be a repeater.

To justify myself, I went to his cumulative folder from time to time. He had very low grades for the first four years, but not grade failure. How he had made it, I didn’t know. I closed my mind to personal remarks.

First grade: Teddy shows promise by work and attitude, but has poor home situation. Second grade: Teddy could do better. Mother terminally ill. He receives little help at home. Third grade: Teddy is a pleasant boy. Helpful, but too serious. Slow learner. Mother passed away at end of year. Fourth grade: Very slow, but well-behaved. Father shows no interest.

Well, they passed him four times, but he will certainly repeat fifth grade! “Do him good!” I said to myself.

And then the last day before the holiday arrived. Our little tree on the reading table sported paper and popcorn chains. Many gifts were heaped underneath, waiting for the big moment.

Teachers always get several gifts at Christmas, but mine that year seemed bigger and more elaborate than ever. There was not a student who had not brought me one. Each unwrapping brought squeals of delight, and the proud giver would receive effusive thank-you’s.

His gift wasn’t the last one I picked up; in fact it was in the middle of the pile. Its wrapping was a brown paper bag, and he had colored Christmas trees and red bells all over it. It was stuck together with masking tape.

“For Miss Thompson — From Teddy” it read.

The group was completely silent, and for the first time, I felt conspicuous, embarrassed because they all stood watching me unwrap that gift.

As I removed the last bit of masking tape, two items fell to my desk; a gaudy rhinestone bracelet with several stones missing and a small bottle of dime store cologne — half empty.

I could hear the snickers and whispers, and I wasn’t sure I could look at Teddy.

“Isn’t this lovely?” I asked, placing the bracelet on my wrist. “Teddy, would you help me fasten it?”

He smiled shyly as he fixed the clasp, and I held up my wrist for all of them to admire.

There were a few hesitant oohs and aahs, but as I dabbed the cologne behind my ears, all the little girls lined up for a dab behind their ears.

I continued to open the gifts until I reached the bottom of the pile. We ate our refreshments and the bell rang.

The children filed out with shouts of “See you next year!” and “Merry Christmas!” but Teddy waited at his desk.

When they had all left, he walked toward me, clutching his gift and books to his chest.

“You smell just like Mom,” he said softly. “Her bracelet looks real pretty on you, too. I’m glad you liked it.”

He left quickly. I locked the door, sat down at my desk, and wept, resolving to make up to Teddy what I had deliberately deprived him of — a teacher who cared.

I stayed every afternoon with Teddy from the end of the Christmas holidays until the last day of school. Sometimes we worked together. Sometimes he worked alone while I drew up lesson plans or graded papers. Slowly but surely he caught up with the rest of the class. Gradually, there was a definite upward curve in his grades.

He did not have to repeat the fifth grade. In fact, his final averages were among the highest in the class, and although I knew he would be moving out of the state when school was out, I was not worried for him. Teddy had reached a level that would stand him in good stead the following year, no matter where he went. He enjoyed a measure of success, and as we were taught in our teacher training courses, “Success builds success.”

I did not hear from Teddy until seven years later, when his first letter appeared in my mailbox:

Dear Miss Thompson,

I just wanted you to be the first to know. I will be graduating second in my class next month.

Very truly yours,

Teddy Stallard

I sent him a card of congratulations and a small package, a pen and pencil gift set. I wondered what he would do after graduation.

Four years later, Teddy’s second letter came:

Dear Miss Thompson,

I wanted you to be the first to know. I was just informed that I’ll be graduating first in my class. The university has not been easy, but I liked it.

Very truly yours,

Teddy Stallard

I send him a good pair of sterling silver monogrammed cuff links and a card, so proud of him I could burst!

And now today — Teddy’s third letter:

Dear Miss Thompson,

I wanted you to be the first to know. As of today, I am Theodore J. Stallard, M.D. How about that?

I’m going to be married in July, the 27th, to be exact. I wanted to ask if you could come and sit where Mom would sit if she were here. I’ll have no family there as Dad died last year.

Very truly yours,

Teddy Stallard

I’m not sure what kind of gift one sends to a doctor on completion of medical school and state boards. Maybe I’ll just wait and take a wedding gift, but my note can’t wait:

Dear Ted,

Congratulations! You made it, and you did it yourself! In spite of those like me and not because of us, this day has come to you.

God bless you. I’ll be at that wedding with bells on!

Elizabeth Silance Ballard

PARENT INVOLVEMENT

The primary goal of this plan is to encourage and facilitate parental involvement in the elementary classroom. Since there is no one reason for nonparticipation I am advancing several approaches that seek to address a variety of obstacles that parents face in becoming involved in their child’s education. I’m also interested in ideas that others may have on this topic, so please e-mail me with your feedback and ideas.

Start Up Calls

Spend the week before school starts calling each parent to introduce your self, emphasize their importance from the start and open lines of communication. Invite them to a parent meeting and take this time to discuss scheduling a meeting for when the most parents can attend.

Calling Web

Establish a calling web in which each parent is responsible for calling two or three other parents to notify of special events or news. Attempt to set up so bilingual parents will call those that don’t speak English well. This will help to address communication issues for those who don’t read. Designate a neighbor to inform those with out phones.

Beginning of the Year Questionnaire

Send a questionnaire home to parents on the first day of school. Ask them these kind of questions:

  • Tell me about your child, what are his or her interests?
  • What do you think is important for your child learn this year?
  • Is there anything you especially want me to know about your child?
  • How would you like to be involved in your child’s education this year?

Suggestion Box

Have box mounted outside of class door for student or parent suggestions. Let it be known it is perfectly fine to make anonymous suggestions or to send them in envelopes with students.

Thursday Folder Notes

Send home a folder on Thursdays with student work in one side, school communication on the other side. Have a sheet that is permanently included for hand written comments and communication between parent and teacher.

Monthly Calendar

Each month send home a calendar that highlights times when parental participation would be encouraged on a school and class level. Include times in your daily schedule when parents are free to drop in, perhaps a study hall at the end of the day or a reading time when they can come listen to readers or read themselves. Invite parents to lunch, recess, library times, lab time and special activities. Try to schedule at least one thing a month that will occur in the evening (for working parents). Have an authors tea where students share works they’ve published. Set up an art museum for parents to come see. Have parents let you know if they have an idea to add. A calendar will give parents on a tight schedule an opportunity to plan in advance and give them a variety of options to choose from.

Office Hours

Have one evening a week marked on calendar when you will either be available in the class room or available over the phone to speak with parents. Periodically change the time so you will be available to all parents at sometime.

Rotating Homeroom Parent

Have the homeroom parent position change each new nine week period. This will give more parents an opportunity to participate so that the work load will be less likely to fall on one or two persons.

Weekly News Letters

Send home a news letter in Thursday folders. Try to incorporate the help of a bilingual parent or coworker if necessary. Use news letter to thank parents and acknowledge their contributions and inform them of any new developments.

Teacher Calls

In the case of parents who don’t respond to written communication, periodically call them so they will know you are aware of them and care about their input. If they do not speak English enlist the help of their “web” caller or a member of the school staff who speaks their language.

Bulletin Board Feature

Use a specific bulletin board to highlight individual students, their families, and cultural heritage on a one or two week rotating basis. Encourage the parents to help the student plan the board. Send each family a note about it with suggestions (that they aren’t limited to) and a sign up schedule. Be prepared with plans to assist students that have parents who don’t get involved.

Homework Packets

Consider all family situations in homework assignments. Give weekly or monthly packets so a family can be flexible in designating time to work on it. Include activities that can be accomplished with parental input such as family histories, surveys, and projects.

Parent Book Shelf

Have books, even if only a few, available to parents on a specifically designated shelf in your room Include books on parenting, homework and study skills, and what ever the need is in the class.

Getting Parents Involved

by Tom Hobart
Used with permission from NYSUT’s The Bottom Line, January 27, 1999

Teachers have long known – and research confirms – that when parents are involved in their children’s education, the children do better in school.

It’s as important today as ever, but the changing family structure (both parents working, one-parent families, step families, etc.) often make it more difficult than in past generations for parents to become involved. the challenge for us is to encourage the parents (or guardians or grandparents) of the children we teach to show a real interest in their kid’s school work and activities. Here are some ideas you might want to suggest at your next round of parent-teacher conferences or at a school open house.

Establish a routine at home that gives your child an opportunity to share with you what they are doing in school. It might be tough at first to get the kids to open up, and it shouldn’t be an inquisition. By making it a part of every day, you will make the point that school is important and that you are interested in what goes on there.

Attend as many school events – sports, concerts, plays, open houses, even an occasional school board meeting – as you possibly can. If this means sometimes rearranging you business or social calendar, it’s part of your responsibility as parents.

Call your child’s teachers once in awhile, just to ask how things are going. The teacher will appreciate your interest and you will have opened an important line of communication. Together, you may be able to head off future problems.

To the best of your ability, assure that your child goes to school each day ready to learn. That includes having homework completed, the necessary materials, sufficient sleep and nourishment, and the knowledge that you consider school a top priority in your child’s life.

Read with your child as early in her or his life and as often as possible. he availability of books, magazines, and newspapers in your home not only provides material for your child to read, but also says, “Reading is an important activity in this family.” Nothing is more important to a person’s lifetime ability to learn and grow than reading. Don’t allow television to take the place of reading, in general, or homework, in particular.

One of the most serious obstacles to learning in a classroom is a lack of students’ self discipline and respect for others. If your child exhibits such tendencies at home, address the situation, immediately. Insist on appropriate behavior. If the child is unresponsive seek professional advice.

I’m sure you can think of many more ways parents can help their children in school. Don’t keep them to yourself. Share with colleagues ideas that have worked for you. Most important, share them with parents.

The parent -teacher partnership is critical for a child’s success.