{"id":40,"date":"2010-05-25T09:17:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-25T03:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/attalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/2010\/05\/25\/talim-tarbiyyah-neglected-rights-of-child\/"},"modified":"2010-07-09T01:33:13","modified_gmt":"2010-07-08T20:03:13","slug":"talim-tarbiyyah-neglected-rights-of-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/2010\/05\/25\/talim-tarbiyyah-neglected-rights-of-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Talim &#038; Tarbiyyah, Neglected Rights of Child"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">By:\u00a0 Qazi Dr. Shaikh  Abbas Borhany<br \/>\nPhD (USA), NDI, Shahadat al A\u2019alamiyyah (Najaf, Iraq),  MA, LLM (Shariah)<br \/>\nMushir: Federal Shariat Court of Pakistan<br \/>\nMember:  Ulama Council of Pakistan<\/p>\n<p>Published in \u2018Daily News\u2019, Pakistan  on 14-05-2010<\/p>\n<div style=\"float: right;margin: 3px;\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\"><!--\ngoogle_ad_client = \"pub-1603832936106174\";\ngoogle_alternate_color = \"FFFFFF\";\ngoogle_ad_width = 200;\ngoogle_ad_height = 200;\ngoogle_ad_format = \"200x200_as\";\ngoogle_ad_type = \"text_image\";\ngoogle_ad_channel =\"\";\ngoogle_color_border = \"\";\ngoogle_color_link = \"\";\ngoogle_color_bg = \"\";\ngoogle_color_text = \"\";\ngoogle_color_url = \"\";\ngoogle_ui_features = \"rc:6\";\n\/\/--><\/script>\n<script type=\"text\/javascript\"\n  src=\"http:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/show_ads.js\">\n<\/script><\/div><p>It is a bitter fact that majority of Muslim  parents are unaware of the method of Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah of children,  which is Wajib after Walayyah. They train and groom their children  according to their way of understanding and unaware of the rightful  course. To satisfy their conscience they think that their Talim &amp;  Tarbiyyah is in the right direction. When their children grow up, they  are unaware of their own religion, their civilization and cultural  values. Their understanding with their faith is so weak which can not  help them in their life. When children face any trouble in their lives,  they set a side the values of religion and are inclined towards their  interest, which they find in western culture, where in the name of  liberation one can do what he wishes. When their children start growing  up, their attitude alarms the parents and they start cursing their own  fortune. This phenomenon is really strange. Why you expect a mango after  sowing the seed of an onion?<\/p>\n<p>It is fact that parents are also  not fully responsible, as this subject is not widely discussed. It is a  great challenge for those parents who are living in the western  societies, where cultural destruction and less religious practices are  higher then in eastern countries. To consider the importance of the  issue, a discussion in the light of the Shariah is necessitated. Long  range discussions can not help our children unless operational plans are  set up to accomplish this.<\/p>\n<p>Devotion, affection and love for  parents are considered voluntary Ibadah. This reward and status has been  bestowed to parents due to their onerous responsibilities of rearing  their children. It is their duty to understand the sublime position of  the upbringing and grooming of their child. Fostering and training is a  part of human nature. Following two Ahadith draw our attention in this  regard:<br \/>\n\u201cMay Allah bless those parents who facilitate their  children with Talim and serve them with kindness\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cMay Allah send  L\u2019anah upon those parents who declared their children A\u2019aq\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This  respectful position is laden with serious responsibilities.\u00a0 Any  negligence in this regard is unforgivable, in any way, and will be  considered as a great sin. The process of Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah can not  stop in any phase of human life. It will be completed only when a person  is laid to rest in the grave. A famous Hadith say:<br \/>\n\u201cGet Talim from  the cradle to the grave\u201d.<br \/>\nAnother Hadith say:<br \/>\n&#8220;All children are  born fit and suitable for Islam. Later, their parents make them  Christians, Jews or irreligious&#8221;<br \/>\nThis Hadith indicates that both for  the settlement and for the Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah of religion the most  important work on children can be done in their infancy. The first duty  of each Muslim is to teach his children Islam and the Qur\u2019an. The child  is a great blessing. If the blessing is not appreciated, it will be  lost. Therefore, the science of teaching children is very dear to all  \u2018Selected Chosen People of Allah\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>Child in the caring age  child easily accepts the benefits of good nourishment both mentally and  physically and is inclined to accept it. Those children become mentally  disturbed whose parents indulge in non healthy activities, be it either  father or mother. In these circumstances, the responsibility of the  other companion becomes greater, to groom the child in a better way. The  parent\u2019s behavior should be so clear that the child should not feel any  difference between theory and practice. A child could easily understand  and know what is good and what is wrong. A point to be noted is that a  baby from the first day of its birth is cropped up to learn. Little by  little and time to time, he moulds himself towards an independent  nature, taste and mentality, whether the parents are aware of it or not.  In a human brain, a special power and ability is available, for  example, first like a video camera, which records every scene. Up to the  age of five years a brain can record the influence of surrounding,  which remains lasting. Any change in that set up is never successful,  normally. Ali Ibn Abi Talib says:<br \/>\n\u201cThe most difficult politics is to  remove the habits\u201d.<br \/>\nExamining the human nature Ali provides us  final conclusion as follows:<br \/>\n\u201cHabit controls human nature like an  Emperor\u201d.<br \/>\nHe explains it further and clarifies:<br \/>\n\u201cHabit of any  person becomes nature\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>In short a child\u2019s habits n the early stages is more easy to change  and such efforts are really fruitful than the efforts in the growing  age. If parents try sincerely to save their children from ill forces,  Inshallah they will able to produce a good member of society. They would  save a human life from the harmful forces in this manner.\u00a0 Qur\u2019an  praises the savior of human life in following words:<br \/>\n\u201cOne, who saves  a single life, saved a large community of human being\u201d.<br \/>\nWorldly  life is fixed in time while eternal life is unlimited. Similar to the  body, if the soul does not get spiritual nourishment, it will die. Basic  and elementary spiritual guidance is the first step towards a good  basic education.<\/p>\n<p>Time to time guidance provide safe-guards,  which allow enough warning to remain alert and not to fall into the pits  of ills and sins, but toward Sirat al Mustaqim. The lack of guidance  and warning is one of the most important reasons of the destruction of  the younger generation. Due to the negligence in up-bringing and  grooming, a child can easily get himself involved in non healthy  activities. Destruction of a child is a dilemma for the entire family.  If a girl gets out of control and follows the free life style,  subsequently it is the result of the parents overlooking and negligence.  If a boy is spoilt, so who is the responsible, it is the parents, not  the society? The parents should know why their children are out of their  control, and why there a generation-gap?<\/p>\n<p>The basis of Talim  &amp; Tarbiyyah starts from the first day of birth. Many psychologists  believe that Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah during childhood determines the  future behavior and personality of a child. Childhood is the best time  to develop the nature and habits of a person. The family is the Basic  Training Centre of a child. Parents should try their best in Talim &amp;  Tarbiyyah of the child as Imam Sadiq says:<br \/>\n\u201cThe best heritage left  behind by the parents for their children is culture and Talim &amp;  Tarbiyyah, not (only) property and wealth\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>The influence of  the family on a child\u2019s cultural, social and moral development always  reflects. Thus role of the parents, especially the role of mother, is  very significant. Mothers usually spend more time than fathers with her  children, so the children are normally more attached with their mothers,  rather than fathers. This sentiments and affection is largely found  stronger in a mother and this devotion makes a mother better able to  take care of a child and train them. Her influence is particularly  strong during the pre-school period. At this time a mother is the most  influential source of Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah, love and cheerfulness.  Success, feeling of security and self confidence in children largely  depends on the thoughts of the mother. The heart of mother is full of  love and affection for her child.<\/p>\n<p>The foremost Madrasah of each  child is his own home, where the tutors are the parents. Due to the  materialistic busy life style, parents unfortunately neglect their role,  which sets a damaging effect upon the children. The parents\u2019 main  concern today is shrinking to get admission of their child in an  \u2018English Medium School\u2019. The main purpose behind it is limited only to  get a good job. They have no concern with ethical and moral values. As  parents remain busy hectically in their social activities and are only  concerned that their children are successful in their career. No doubt,  they care for their children\u2019s livelihood, but their basic needs are  neglected in their spiritual training.<\/p>\n<p>Parents do care for  their children\u2019s health and care, but they are quite un-aware of how  many more psychological problems have crept into them. They may be happy  to see their children in good looking dresses but do not care about the  unpleasant habits which destroy their personality. Materialistic  activities have bound them to overlook the hereafter, not only for them  but also for their children. A Hadith says:<br \/>\n\u201cA girl due to her  shameless and immodesty will be thrown in Jahannam and right after her  the mother of the girl would be thrown in the Jahannam, although the  mother herself was very modest and used to cover herself\u201d.<br \/>\nAt this,  the Malaek would question Allah as why this treatment is been meted upon  the woman. Allah would reply that:<br \/>\n\u201cShe was modest herself, but did  not give her daughter the lesson of piety, modesty and Hijab\u201d.<br \/>\nThen  Rasulullah(S) continued:<br \/>\n\u201cSimilarly a boy will be thrown in  Jahannam for not observing Faraiz. His father, on whose forehead the  mark of Sajdah is visible, will also go along with his son to the  Jahannam, because he never awoke his child for morning Salaat, due to  excuse that he may not be disturbed in sleeping\u201d.<br \/>\nSimilarly in the  month of Ramazan father himself observes Sawm but never persuades his  child for Sawm, due to the fear of physical weakness of his child. He  himself recites the Qur\u2019an, but never cared for his child, who was  involved in hazardous erotic literature. No excuse can be accepted for  the parents who are busy in Sajdah, whereas the children are busy in  ruinous activities. No doubt, parents of such ill-cultured children will  die as offender.<\/p>\n<p>Craze of money minting phobia has reach to  the peak of madness. The affluent class has now embarked on another life  style. Governesses are now being hired to look after their children.  This Nursery culture has alienated the child from their parents. Working  class parents may note that exorbitant amount of fees of nursery or  school can not build the character of a child. In an institution, a  child can learn but can not feel the touch of parents\u2019 affection, which  is a great source of inspiration. None of the institution can fulfill  the responsibilities of the parents, regarding guidance. The  responsibility of parents is not confined to giving their child a good  name, but to be a beacon of light for the child as far as manner and  etiquettes are concerned. This is a precursor for a good moral  character.<\/p>\n<p>According to the Hadith Literature the most  sensitive period of Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah has divided into three phases.  The first phase begins from birth and lasts until the 7th year. In this  phase, the child should enjoy the meaning of liberty. He should be free  to do what he wishes, except illegal and harmful activities. I  cherished a Hadith at this juncture, which guides us regarding the  grooming:<br \/>\n\u201cThe first seven years, the child is your lord, the next  seven years he is your servant. After fourteen to twenty one years of  age he is your adviser\u201d.<br \/>\nIntellectuals of the world can not express  this principle of guidance in volumes which Rasulullah(S) has expressed  in a few words, through the inspiration of Wahi. Somehow; what is said:<br \/>\n\u201cFirst  seven years, child is your lord\u201d.<br \/>\nIt is a known fact that the lord  is served by servants to his comfort and pleasures. They look after him  throughout the year and provide all possible necessities.<br \/>\n\u201cAfter the  first seven years of age up to fourteen, the child is your slave\u201d.<br \/>\nSlave  means, one who serves for you, and to obey you. If the child will not  learn to serve and obey he will become lazy and ultimately his carrier  will perish.<\/p>\n<p>The 2nd phase is from the 7th until the 14th year.  In this phase, the child should get Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah, learn creed  of religion, etiquettes and modern sciences. For 3rd phase Rasulullah(S)  guides:<br \/>\n\u201cFrom 14 up to 21 years, the child is your adviser so take  him into your consultation\u201d.<br \/>\nThis 3rd phase begins after the 14th  year when the parent should have prepared his son to be as their friend  and as an independent person. However, in this age, parents should help  him to enter in his professional field and teach him good lessons from  their experiences. This training grooms him to such an extent that he  can differentiate in between right and wrong, and will never give you a  wrong advice.<\/p>\n<p>Parents, empty with the concept of love and  kindness must pay attention on the Hadith:<br \/>\n\u201cExtend love to your  children and show kindness to them\u201d.<br \/>\nAnother Hadith says:<br \/>\n\u201cKiss  your children more and more: because in exchange of every kiss, Allah  raises up one position higher for you\u201d.<br \/>\nA person came in the  presence of Nabi(S) and submitted:<br \/>\n\u201cI never kissed any child up till  now and still ignore the sacred guidance\u201d.<br \/>\nWhen he left then  Rasulullah (S) declared:<br \/>\n\u201cThis man seems to be a hellish\u201d.<br \/>\nAnother  person visited Rasulullah (S), when he was engaged in caressing his two  grandchildren, Hasan and Husain. Being surprised at this act, the  companion said:<br \/>\n&#8220;O Rasulullah (S)! Do you also caress children, I  have ten children but I have never fondled even one of them.&#8221;<br \/>\nThereupon  Rasulullah (S) raised his eyes and remarked:<br \/>\n\u201cIt seems mercy and  kindness has left your heart.&#8221;<br \/>\nHe affirmed another place:<br \/>\n\u201cThose  who do not extend love and kindness to their children and do not have  regard and respect to their elders, are not with us\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Rasulullah  (S) was very kind to children and loved them very much.\u00a0 He used to  carry them on his shoulders. The children would become very happy and  laugh. Rasulullah (S), too, would become happy at the pure happiness and  laughter of the children and a smile would appear on his face. Imam  Sajjad said regarding the rights of a child:<br \/>\n\u201cIt is the right of a  child to expect love and kindness from parents. Therefore, it is the  duty of parents to be kind to their children\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>But the love  extended to child from the parents makes him successful only when it is  accompanied with Talim. Love without Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah without  Marifah is like handicapped. These two can only be effective when they  get together. If mother do not allow an opportunity to her children to  exercise without depending on her, they always remain dependent by  nature. Imam Baqir says about the love of parents:<br \/>\n\u201cThe worst  parents are those who are extravagant and excessive in showing love to  their child\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Rasulullah (S) used to send his Salaam to children  and would tell his Ash\u2019ab:<br \/>\n&#8220;I greet children with Salaam and  respect them, and Muslims should follow my manners and always be warm  and loving with children.&#8221;<br \/>\nRasulullah (S) used to speak about  children &#8211; boys and girls &#8211; and said:<br \/>\n&#8220;O Muslims, O fathers and  mothers, O my followers, be kind and compassionate towards children, for  someone who is not kind to children has no place amongst the Muslims.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Be  alert the children who have been deprived of their parents love will  also be ignored their parents (at ripe age) on the same manner.  Ignorance in guidance and grooming of the children is un-pardonable,  such parents should be asked, whether their innocent children have  compelled them and insisted for to grow like an animal. Children are the  valuable asset of the Nation. The progress of the Nation depends upon  the education of the coming generation. So, those who enjoy the status  of parents should maintain its dignity with respect and care.<\/p>\n<p>Parents  think that to groom their children means imposing orders upon them.  This attitude brings consequences. Children become frustrated and hide  to share their sentiments with parents. It is needed that the parents  should change their attitude and show character through their own deeds.  Let your children be influenced with your character. Several studies of  the criminals showed that in their childhood they were deprived of love  and affection of their parents, which turned them into monsters. It is  also not enough that a child can only recite the sacred text while his  actions are repugnant to. After puberty, such a child will be inclined  to immoralities and other sins. He will not be ashamed by speaking fouls  words and un-healthy practices, but takes it to be self-pride. The same  is in the case of girls. Can you take them as good children and true  followers of Islam?<br \/>\nChildren are the gifts of Allah. Any negligence  and breach of trust in this gift, which is a trust of Allah, is  un-pardonable. A skilled child is a responsible founder of the next  generation. Betterment and progress of the society depends on the coming  generations. A child is entrusted to its parents for safe-keeping. The  child\u2019s pure heart is like a precious gem. Like wax, a child can take  any shape. When small, it has not taken any shape. It is like pure soil.  You will reap what you sow it in pure soil. If children are taught the  tenets of Iman, the Qur\u2019an and the commandments of Allah and accustomed  to doing them, they will attain religious and worldly happiness. Their  parents and teachers will share this happiness of theirs.<\/p>\n<p>If  they are not taught and trained, they will become unhappy. The sin of  each evil they will commit will be given to their parents and teachers,  too. Qur\u2019an declares in the 6th Ayah of Surah At-Tahrim:<br \/>\n&#8220;Protect  yourselves &amp; those in your homes and under your command from the  fire!&#8221;<br \/>\nIt is more important for a father to protect his children  against the fire of Hell than against worldly fire. And to protect them  against the fire of Hell means to teach them Iman, the Faraiz and Haram,  to accustom them to Ibadah and to protect them against irreligious and  immoral friends. The source of all kinds of immoral deeds is evil  company. I conclude my discussion on the following Hadith:<br \/>\n\u201cRespect  Your Children &amp; Treat Them Well, Perhaps You May Be Relieved By  Allah &amp; Get Najaat\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By:\u00a0 Qazi Dr. Shaikh Abbas Borhany PhD (USA), NDI, Shahadat al A\u2019alamiyyah (Najaf, Iraq), MA, LLM (Shariah) Mushir: Federal Shariat Court of Pakistan Member: Ulama Council of Pakistan Published in \u2018Daily News\u2019, Pakistan on 14-05-2010 It is a bitter fact that majority of Muslim parents are unaware of the method of Talim &amp; Tarbiyyah of &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/2010\/05\/25\/talim-tarbiyyah-neglected-rights-of-child\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Talim &#038; Tarbiyyah, Neglected Rights of Child<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-academics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions\/45"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/taalim.ekhwan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}