Parenting – Page 2 – TAALIM:: Educational Tips and Resources

What teachers really want to tell parents?

By Ron Clark, Special to CNN

September 6, 2011 -- Updated 1312 GMT (2112 HKT)

(CNN) -- This summer, I met a principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state. She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the profession.

I screamed, "You can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."

Unfortunately, this sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents, the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.

So, what can we do to stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?

For starters, we are educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you advice, don't fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who just don't want to hear anything negative about their child, but sometimes if you're willing to take early warning advice to heart, it can help you head off an issue that could become much greater in the future.

Trust us. At times when I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child, and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, "Is that true?" Well, of course it's true. I just told you. And please don't ask whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between teacher and parent.

Please quit with all the excuses

And if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. I was talking with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told me he hadn't started, and I let him know I was extremely disappointed because school starts in two weeks.

His mother chimed in and told me that it had been a horrible summer for them because of family issues they'd been through in July. I said I was so sorry, but I couldn't help but point out that the assignments were given in May. She quickly added that she was allowing her child some "fun time" during the summer before getting back to work in July and that it wasn't his fault the work wasn't complete.

Can you feel my pain?

Some parents will make excuses regardless of the situation, and they are raising children who will grow into adults who turn toward excuses and do not create a strong work ethic. If you don't want your child to end up 25 and jobless, sitting on your couch eating potato chips, then stop making excuses for why they aren't succeeding. Instead, focus on finding solutions.

Parents, be a partner instead of a prosecutor

And parents, you know, it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.

This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a great teacher! He made all A's this year!"

Wow. Come on now. In all honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.

Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.

And please, be a partner instead of a prosecutor. I had a child cheat on a test, and his parents threatened to call a lawyer because I was labeling him a criminal. I know that sounds crazy, but principals all across the country are telling me that more and more lawyers are accompanying parents for school meetings dealing with their children.

Teachers walking on eggshells

I feel so sorry for administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major disaster.

My mom just told me a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job. My mom, my very own mother, said, "Can you believe that woman did that?"

I felt hit in the gut. I honestly would have probably tried to get the mark off as well. To think that we might lose our jobs over something so minor is scary. Why would anyone want to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and scared, you will rob our schools of our best and handcuff our efforts to recruit tomorrow's outstanding educators.

Finally, deal with negative situations in a professional manner.

If your child said something happened in the classroom that concerns you, ask to meet with the teacher and approach the situation by saying, "I wanted to let you know something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping you could shed some light for me." If you aren't happy with the result, then take your concerns to the principal, but above all else, never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child. If he knows you don't respect her, he won't either, and that will lead to a whole host of new problems.

We know you love your children. We love them, too. We just ask -- and beg of you -- to trust us, support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best education possible.

That's a teacher's promise, from me to you.

It Should’nt Hurt to be a Child

When we talk about child abuse a picture of a severely hurt crying child comes to our mind. But this is not always the case. Sometimes the abuse is well hidden and carried out for years never to be discovered. We need to watch out for this worst kind of social evil which exists among us and try to intervene and help whenever possible. Awareness about child abuse is very important.

Child abuse takes place very often because children are vulnerable. Children are vulnerable due to two reasons.
1) They are small and physically incapable of defending themselves
2) Psychologically they are ingrained that they should be good to elders and obey them and also that elders are always right.

In normal course an adult tries to protect the child. But sometimes due to some psychological or emotional abnormality an adult may resort to abuse the child. Abuse of children can be classified into 3 categories.
1) Verbal abuse
2) Physical abuse
3) Sexual abuse

Verbal abuse: – The child is ridiculed and emotionally hurt by using words which are not to be said. Usually this abuse is carried on in the name of disciplining children. Some times we find a perfect target in a child to vent out our prejudices; frustration, anger etc. It is sometimes carried on with actual bad intentions where a person may actually hate the child for some reason. Verbal abuse can be done by anybody like mother, father, aunt, neighbour, teacher etc.

The emotional impact of verbal abuse is quite strong and at times it leaves emotional trauma to the level of sexual abuse.

Physical abuse : – This is usually carried on by the people who believe in capital punishment (again in the name of discipline). Physical abuse only gets momentary unwilling compliance from children. Constant physical abuse can push the child to become more stubborn and obstinate.

Sexual Abuse : This is very dreaded word because verbal and physical abuse do not cause as much emotional trauma as sexual abuse.
According to survey 40-70%girls are victims of sexual abuse in India.
A large number of molesters are respected elders like uncles cousins etc.

Molesters can be in relationship like.
1) Male abuser to male child
2) Male abuser to female child
3) Female abuser to female child
4) Female abuser to male child

Of all these, the male abuser to female child incidents are highest and it leaves maximum emotional trauma. It leaves long term effect on the individuality of the child. She may grow up fearing men, hating touch, avoiding happiness, etc. sometimes they may feel they are sinners and indulge in self punishment too.
In female abuser to male child the child is always involved in some play and so doesn’t realize he has been abused because there is no pain and no force involved. He doesn’t even know he is doing something wrong at times. But when the realization comes he may enter into the guilt feeling that he was too sex oriented because he enjoyed sex very early in life. That will make him conscious of his feeling of sex. And even normal tendencies may cause guilt that he is different from others.

How to protect a child.

1) Communication:- Talk to the child about where she/he has been. Who they played with. How they played. But make effort not to make the communication interrogative.
2) Teach vocabulary:- teach them how to say what they have to. Increase vocabulary as they grow up.
3) Discuss potential abusers
4) Be aware of movements. Keep track of as to where the child is spending his/her time. Who they were with, what they did etc.
5) Build self esteem:- a child with low self esteem becomes a potential victim.
6) Remove loneliness. The lonely child is also more vulnerable.
7) Tell how to protect. Encourage to shout and scream when someone tried to harm her/him. Assure them that they will be protected and not blamed for doing so.

Possible behavior pattern of abused child.

Showing too much maturity for age
Withdrawal from peer group, becoming a loner
Lack of usual activities
Using very adult like words
Showing undue fear of places, situations, people etc
Self punishment
Guilt feeling

Many a time the abuser will be clever enough to instill the feeling of guilt and fear in the child. He/she may convince the child that they are too equally responsible for what happened. They were willing and happy because they never protested etc.

Please protect the innocent children from the trauma whenever you can.. it our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…

Teachers

Shilpa Garg

Teachers Then	Teachers Now
Ah! There you have the worst paid and the best rewarded of vocations. Do not enter it unless you love it. For the vast majority of men and women it has no promise of wealth and fame, but they to whom it is dear for its own sake are among the nobility of mankind. Henry Von Dyke	It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference. Tom Brokaw
What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. Karl Menninger	Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition. Jacques Barzun
The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. Author Unknown	We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the failings of the family. Then we expect them to educate our children. John Sculley
To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is love. Anonymous	Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. Bill Gates
More important than the curriculum is the question of the methods of teaching and the spirit in which the teaching is given. Bertrand Russell	The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn. Cicero
The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called truth. Dan Rather	We think too much about effective methods of teaching and not enough about effective methods of learning. John Carolus S. J.
A gifted teacher is as rare as a gifted doctor, and makes far less money. Anonymous	Modern cynics and skeptics… see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. John F. Kennedy
Every truth has four corners: as a teacher I give you one corner, and it is for you to find the other three. Confucius	Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty. Albert Einstein
Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. George Bernard Shaw	I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized. Dr. Haim Ginott
The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind. Kahlil Gibran	If kids come to us [educators / teachers] from strong, healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier. If they do not come to us from strong, healthy, functioning families, it makes our job more important. Barbara Colorose
A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank…but the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child. Forest Witchcraft	A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on cold iron. Horace Mann
We think of the effective teachers we have had over the years with a sense of recognition, but those who have touched our humanity we remember with a deep sense of gratitude. Author Unknown	Much education today is monumentally ineffective. All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants. John Gardner
Teachers, who educate children, deserve more honour than parents, who merely gave them birth; for the latter provided mere life, while the former ensure a good life. Aristotle.	We should not teach children the sciences but give them a taste for them. Jean Jacques Rousseau
It’s blood, sweat, sometimes tears. Bob Hayes	Most people are willing to pay more to be amused than to be educated. R.C. Savage
The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. Author Unknown	For many students, their teachers may be the only adult with whom they have a meaningful conversation all day. Vickie Gill
Teaching is not just a job. It is a human service, and it must be thought of as a mission. Dr. Ralph Tyler	It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to make sure you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy. George Horace Lorimer
An understanding heart is everything in a teacher, and cannot be esteemed highly enough. One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feeling. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. Carl Jung	I have been maturing as a teacher. New experiences bring new sensitivities and flexibility. Howard Lester
Your Master Teacher knows all you need to learn, the perfect timing for your learning it, and the ideal way of teaching it to you. You don’t create a Master Teacher — that’s already been done. You discover your Master Teacher. Peter Mcwilliams	It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it. Jacob Bronowski